Giselle Salome

Movies can touch the heart of youngsters who are going through a divorce. From a psychological point of view, movies address two basic genres that children of divorce deal with everyday.

1. There are movies that are specifically about divorce itself, such as Liar Liar, Imagine That, E.T. or Mrs. Doubtfire. Here, a child can identify with what other kids may be going through and feel less isolated in their experience.

2. The second theme that is useful for kids of divorce centers around loss and the child’s heroic adaptation to that loss. Movies like Harry Potter, The Karate Kid, Cinderella and the Wizard of Oz. all are about overcoming loss.

If you look carefully at children’s movies, you will discover that many of these kids come from family structures that are anything but traditional. Consider Cinderella who was raised by a wicked step mother or Pinocchio who was “raised” by Geppetto, or The Little Mermaid, Ariel, who was raised by King Triton, with no mother mentioned.

ET is not often thought of as a divorce movie – but where is Elliot’s father? The Karate Kid (Daniel is raised by a single mother) and The Wizard of Oz (Dorothy is an orphan raised by her aunt and uncles) are both wonderful movies respectively, about a teenage boy and a teenage girl, who have to deal with the inadequacy of their parenting environment and long for something more.

You may wonder why these themes are so popular if the many children who love these films have intact families. The answer to that is really quite simple and yet profound as well.

Children want more from their parents. They always do, and they almost always get less than what they truly want. It is the nature of human life. Whether you have two parents, one parent, or a stepparent, we all long for more.

Children and teenagers have a natural wish to explore past their families to a world outside to find love, support and validation. In The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy finds it in an adventure with some inadequate male adults, the Lion, the Scarecrow and the Tin Man, while confronting a scary woman in the guise of the Wicked Witch of the West. She comes to terms with family life when she accepts that these men and the Wizard himself are just people – like herself – who strive to be better than they are.

In ET, Elliot finds an extraterrestrial friend, and a special one at that. We can all relate with the wish to have a special friend who can make everyday magical.

In The Karate Kid, Daniel (Dre in the 2010 remake) is a boy raised by a single mother, who gains one of the great pleasures of life – the mentorship of a surrogate father. How many children going through divorce end up with surrogate fathers, whether they are coaches, teachers, ministers, or rabbis – and even sometimes psychotherapists – who truly make a difference in who they are to become?

One cannot leave the topic without touching upon the great contemporary classic, Harry Potter. Harry is a young man who has to deal with the loss of both his parents while living with his unkind Aunt and Uncle. Harry’s adventure into another world speaks to all children who have a yearning for their own sense of specialness, a new set of surrogate parents and a wish to individuate.

So, go to the movies, rent them and see them at home with your children. You do not have to provoke a big discussion. Just being there while they see the movie is good parenting in my book.

It may evoke a thought, a feeling, a tear, or a longing. And all that is good. What is even better is if you are in the mix when it happens.